It takes all these things and all this time :\

To think this was all written on my phone. I did'nt realise how long it was :-o

Oh lover, I was up in the woods somewhere, sitting on the edge of something. I had just woken up, as the sight of a firefly pulled my attention towards the sky. There I saw our pink moon. We used to live on that pink moon, in my marshmallow dreams. We were always there for each other. One day I waited, but you never came. Still I waited for days on end. I knew you wouldn't show but I had to stay. I said I'd always be there for you; I promised. And so you see, I had to stay in case you came back. Came back home. Where I'd be waiting with a smile on my face and a gleam in my eyes. A drop of water on my nose announced the coming of rain. I love the rain. I blinked, and as if on queue, it begun to rain. I watched every living thing scurry to safety, curl up nice and warm. Not a creature stirred. It was growing colder. I enjoyed it, for the soothing decrease in temperature was the only time I knew I was alive. And I mean truly alive. When the numbness was no more and I could feel. Feel the frost on my nose. Ahh.

But then I see the dark clouds coming up. I don't like the ominous night clouds above me. Now they're here, I know they won't go away. Things will never be the same. You will never come home. My marshmallow dreams have vanished. Then, and only then did I truly realize how alone I felt. How alone I was. And how alone I'd always be. The cold now penetrated into my heart and every word that I spoke, was of someone else. Words I spoke to play the part of the girl I'd like to be. The act I pull off everyday. That of the girl who smiles the most beautiful lies.

Oh and how my heart aches, no burns at the mere thought of you. I just want to get you out of my head and into my arms. Screaming your name in the midst if the forest goes unheard, just like all the prayers I said each night before I finally gave up. I've given up on everything. I've lost the strength for it all. All of it except you. I'll still keep my chin up for you, for if you return, I wouldn't want you to see me in such a pitiful state. And although my exterior portrays a calmness only known to setting suns and rising moons, inside, tucked away somewhere, lies an imminent explosion waiting to happen. I know this because you had stabbed your final goodbye at me in a way that couldn't define you as a human but more as a stone-hearted beast, and that was bound to do the trick - you pulled the trigger; you injected the venom.

It was not our last goodbye, for I saw you in my acid dreams. Ones from which a firefly wakes me up and I find myself sitting on the edge of something, up in the woods somewhere. Sometimes I even pretend to be asleep just to sweeten my nightmares but... If not that, then I sit there for hours staring at the scenery, not paying attention to a single thing that happens in front of me, only thinking of what went wrong. And remembering the good old days where you couldn't hurt me. But now thoughts of you torment me. Truth is, I still love you; it hurts. It hurts too much for me to admit to anyone apart from myself; I wouldn't want you to think of me as your malice or ghost - I set you free (and I would be so darn lucky if you returned). It hurts too much to even think about it. Thinking about it nauseated me, confused me, wounded me and puts my heart in a position of distress. Like poison. I know that if we ever do meet again, the way you move won't be fair. "Hey! Don't be spiteful. Come back, walk my way. Don't walk, run if you please." But no you wouldn't dare walk back here. Not back home to our lovely not-so-happy melted world. It used to be so shiny, in fact it still is. But not everything shiny is gold. 

There's no other way to escape the truth but this. And there is no other way to escape you but by stopping the blood circulation in my waste of a body. All this for a person? But it is not just a person. To me it is so much more than that. But I'll lie and say it WAS more than that, because "I've moved on", right? I'm so stuck in the past lingering on your deep brown eyes, on what seemed like the fairest of seasons. I tremble at the thought. Honestly, I tremble all the time due to my disease: the reason for all this perhaps? I just want god to show me all the things I shouldn't know. That won't happen, for I also stopped believing in god altogether. I just want HIM to meet me in an imaginary basement and take both my hands in his. I just want her to rewind, to before she became a traitor and to stop trying to act like 'that' just for approval - but we all know she has a hard time fitting in. I wish 'that' had had the good sense of coming right up to my face and saying anything she had to say instead of hurting me like that; I would've understood and I would still talk to her - now I'm afraid I just want to slap her, but its not too late. She can still fix this. I wish she would too. I also wish I hadn't spoken those words to my long lost friend. I wish I had spoken my mind or my heart more often. I wish mother nature would just let the sunshine in! I wish..

Ugh, I'm pathetic. I've got to stop all this useless wishing and act upon my hopes and dreams. But I'm losing faith, hope, strength, enthusiasm, logic, desire, and even the will to breathe. But I won't die on you now. I'm still here, on the pink moon, aren't i. Even if its color happens to fade in time, you can still find me there. I look at my watch and concoct a friend for myself. Hm, I'm not so alone. I'll just go back to sleep again. My life is on hold when I'm here. Time doesn't dare enter this area and I don't have to keeping running from it. Or trying to fight it. *yawn* I think I'll just doze off again, even if it kills me. I have to see you again and this is the only way I know how. Don't worry I'm not alone, I've got someone watching on me. Can you see us?

Midnight and I. 

P.s. I love you so much, at times I can't even look at you for fear that I might faint, die, or wake up!