MDD

I've had a lot of questions about MDD.
Alot of you dont fully understand it's effects and would just label it as a fancy name for emo. I'm getting this information from Wikipedia but im only posting what specifically effects me because i dont have a severe case of it. I have a mild one but its still pretty strong and gets stronger as time passes.

MDD (Major Depressive Dissorder -also known as recurrent depressive disorder, clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder.

It is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and by loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.Major depression is a disabling condition which adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health.

How this applies to me? » It is in my brain, but i am fully aware of it's occupancy but i cannot control its effects. Always negative but i know which words to come out of my mouth to not make it seem like I'm upset. I've stopped trying in the things that were dear to me and always leave volunteered tasks unfinished ex. Sports, art, writing. Although my family is aware of it, they were aware of its gravity a long time ago  when it was but a bad seed. Now the plant has flourished but i dont think they see it. I wouldnt dare blame anything on this disease because it takes away from me having a normal life. It does distract me at school where i dont learn because my thoughts are being controlled by my disease, and having the short attention span that i do, i will be long lost in my thoughts 10 minutes into any lesson. And i repeat once again that i know its distracting me but i am powerless to stop it. Maybe i could for 2 minutes but then im off again. I consider that pretty lucky, for some dont even know they suffer from it or arent aware of its consequences or why they act the way they do.

The diagnosis of major depressive disorder is based on the patient's self-reported experiences, behavior reported by relatives or friends, and a mental status exam. There is no laboratory test for major depression, although physicians generally request tests for physical conditions that may cause similar symptoms. The most common time of onset is between the ages of 20 and 30 years, with a later peak between 30 and 40 years.

How this applies to me? » Well i got checked on this and the process can take up to 2 years to see how fast the growth of it is. I was 10 when i was checked, around the time where still fight and it was till i was 12 about the time my parents finally got divorced and i started to get sick of school. I was given a few quizzes and i was interrogated and as falsely as i answered i had about 20 wires on me and a body language reader so i guess they got what i was trying to do pretty quickly. I was only little and so that was pretty shocking but the doctors were pretty certain that it wouldnt develop much further - im beginning to doubt thats true.  I just had to relieve stress thats all it took to reverse the effects. Take baths with those little fizzy things and get massaged twice a week. and i was to never get bored really.  The worst was soon over

Typically, patients are treated with antidepressant medication and, in many cases, also receive psychotherapy or counseling. Hospitalization may be necessary in cases with associated self-neglect or a significant risk of harm to self or—as rarely is the case—to others. A minority are treated with electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), under a short-acting general anaesthetic. The course of the disorder varies widely, from one episode lasting weeks to a lifelong disorder with recurrent major depressive episodes. Depressed individuals have shorter life expectancies than those without depression, in part because of greater susceptibility to medical illnesses and suicide. Treatment with medications however has not been shown to decrease the risk of suicide. Current and former patients may be stigmatized

 How this applies to me? » I do have antidepressants until now. I also have a tendency to self-medicate but not to the point where it could kill me. I always read or try  to understand what the pill could do to me before i take it. It's very rare that you see me take a random pill, but it happens. I just want to be happy y'know? I also take lithium pills, ecstacy capsules for school and the odd painkillers i have spared from my surgery. Shocking? Well, There lies a whole mystery behind me and i plan to write it down, you wouldnt want to know the reason why, but i bet you can guess. Most of the paragraph above really doesnt apply to me but i just thought i'd let you know. And along with this random fact, i'll give a random fact about my MDD. I created a person named Jale.  shes my alternate, or my reality because inez has faked so many things that, she cannot really be me. Jale stands for Just  A Little Emo. Im not saying im little but im saying a little bit, but Jalbe sounds weird. Anything i've named Jale has a bigger meaning. I'll explain Jale fully on a later post (: Let's just say she's my inner beast.

A person having a major depressive episode usually exhibits a very low mood, which pervades all aspects of life, and an inability to experience pleasure in activities that formerly were enjoyed. Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred. Other symptoms of depression include poor concentration and memory (especially in those with melancholic or psychotic features), withdrawal from social situations and activities, and thoughts of death or suicide.

 How this applies to me? » I don't exhibit very low moods right? Well i do but i just tell everyone i'm sleepy or i just put my sunglasses on and listen to music, and that's not very often now is it? Haha, my lowest times of the day happen to be right before bed or when im in the shower or looking in the mirror. In the shower i have a lot of alone time to get distracted and self reflect. In front of the mirror is where i tend to do most of m self criticizing i really hate my face though so i dont tend to look in the mirror except to make sure i look acceptable which only takes about 5 or 6 seconds. Want to know what goes on in my head? Exactly whats stated above and im not going to deny it. And also i like to think of the things that trigger this feeling and why they do so. One thing i didnt know is that MDD affects your memory. Now that i do, i can fully explain my memory of a goldfish. As for the thoughts of death or suicide haha, have you heard my song 'And now you dont even care' ?  Thats all its about.


There's a lot more complicated things about MDD and a lot more about me you'd need to know but i wouldnt want to reveal myself like that. This is enough. Just want to make you aware and fully knowledgeable.


Done!  

I'm sick..

I  realised most of you don't already know this.
I guess i've been doing a great job of keeping this a secret.
I suffer from a Major Depressive Dissorder [MDD]
It's not really a common disease and most people who have it don't deal with it the way that i learnt how to.
They tend to have a low self esteem and a negative mind.
I'd like to say i'm very optimistic but thats towards other. when i reflect upon myself, i can't keep from doing what my disease makes me do. That is to think negatively especially upon myself. I cant help but reflect myself in a way that i see best describes me, however untrue one might think it is. I personally think that i am one of the lowest forms of a low life. I dont suffer from this disease severely, so i do understand that there are people lower than myself. I also understand that i probably am not the lowest form of low on this earth but it's all i can bring myself to believe. I know i probably wont amount to anything. As Lil Wayne says 'the top gets higher, the more that i climb'. That's the phrase that describes my life almost perfectly. I have been through so many downs that the ups dont even seem like ups anymore. And this disease i have makes things worse. I think it might even lead me to an early death.. Not that i haven't already died on the inside.:/


Anyways i just wanted to let you know! Next time i look like im 'out of it' It's probably my MDD kicking in! 


Im also experiencing Melancholia every now and again. It's a random bug that affects me whenever and wherever. I really dont like it become it strikes me hard. I really dont like crying :/ I know what can trigger it though, and i try to avoid such heartaches.


So now that my secret's out, just know that what you see isn't always what you get.


Ugh; FML!