It's the memories that we had..

Earlier today i had spent my morning eyes wide open awake thinking. Thinking of the most ridiculous things. I must have been really tired or really hungry. I've been fucked up in the head today.

At school today i had to work with stefan for french. Haven't spoken to him in a while so i guess this is good. He mentioned this website. I find that a little stalkerish :/ That same way Maher ended up in every one of my classes this year! Health passed by quickly but the things we learnt today were pretty deep. Everything's deep in that class. I can't permit myself to fail that class. It's just a reminder of how well i'll do at life. If i fail health then i might do badly in the future. Gah, my mind's a really complicated place. Then i had science. Fun lesson. Finally understood what the lesson was about at the end. I was lucky that McLellan helped me out when he sent me to the board. Nice guy! He's really funny to. ( As in funny, laugh at funny) Funniest shit in science... McLellan makes a poisonous gas and puts it in a thing that's suppose to filter it and so we don't breathe it in. Ahmed goes "i can smell it D:" No really? Have you ssen how big your honker is? Imagine you couldn't smell it! Ahahahahah! Silly boy. Furth was really pissed in math today and i finally got the lesson too there. Ahah ;) Catching up just like you wanted Gordiee.

Back home i didn't decide to sleep. Instead i spent my day on MSN. - i really like this site cos it saves every 2 minutes or so. that way everytime i accidentally close the wondow, its saved and i dont have to get all upset - Talked to a lot of people today. It was random ;) Gladly Ghassan deleted me from his FB. He added me, he deleted me. That way it's ALL him. He's always been one to run away, haha! Coward, just like his gf. And speaking of her, she tells me to apologise. For what? wtf. LMAO, a couple of weirdos. Bin talking to Glittery more and more. He's being nice, which is awkward. I don't like it. I dunno y. Ahah! Not sure what to do with my weekend. So many people asking me to go to places. Argh, my simple outings have become overly complicated. Oh yes, The party! I can't wait. I have so much homework to do, i don't know where or how to begin.

Lately i've found out that i like to trust people with personal things and those people arent even that close. I miss having my long uninteresting  conversations about random things with her. I found out that she likes taking baths. I haven't taken a bath in a very long time. I wan't to hop into a jacoozi. Arizona me manques trop. I really wanna go back there. It's fun! I miss all the things i lost this year! I lost so much this year. Mentally, environmentally, and socially. I would like to recover them but there's a slim chance of that happening. I don't know how i let these things happen. Why can't everyone just chill and like everyone. Or atleast pretend to. I don't know. Can't we still talk through our differences ? Sing like little canaries and not really bother whether the notes are flat or sharp. Okay, that was a silly metaphor but i hope i'm gztting my point across. After a long time i haven't prayed. I'm going to pray tonight. I am so scared to do so. Noww i know what being scared of the ridiculous feels like. Where people might think that you're crazy and laugh, because they dont feel the same way; They're not scared of those things that terrify you.

I'm wondering if i'll ever make it on that TV screen. Or have the greens rolling in. Will i have to do back breaking work to earn my money? I've always dreamt big but whenever i take my long trips back from inside my head to Earth, i rememeber that life doesn't always work out the way you plan. I take a wiff of reality and realise that dreams don't come true. Ever! Not a one. I'm so afraid that all my positive self talk will blow up in my face. Just like everything else. I want the brightest future for myself and the kids i want to have. But I'm so scared. I just feel like dying or fast forwarding or rewinding or something. I need help and i feel more alone than ever these days :[ I'm wondering when i'll ever starttalking to the people i've been zoning out. There are just so many.. I don't like the feeling. To me were just distant friends but seeing them every once in a while reminds me that we can all talk to eachother and make the effort to go up to the other and say something. Just one thing! Anything.  Or a gesture to say everythings fine. We're all capable of it, but i'm just getting the wrong idea!

What i don't understand is how people can be so cruel; so good at art; so insensitive; so stupid.
Really these 4 topics should be sepereate posts so i'm going to save these stories for another day/time.

"I look at all these photographs
I remember when i used to make you laugh
I don't want to be stuck in the past
But you're all that i have, that i have"
- RIHANNA & Will.I.Am

Ugh, FML :'/