I'm sick..

I  realised most of you don't already know this.
I guess i've been doing a great job of keeping this a secret.
I suffer from a Major Depressive Dissorder [MDD]
It's not really a common disease and most people who have it don't deal with it the way that i learnt how to.
They tend to have a low self esteem and a negative mind.
I'd like to say i'm very optimistic but thats towards other. when i reflect upon myself, i can't keep from doing what my disease makes me do. That is to think negatively especially upon myself. I cant help but reflect myself in a way that i see best describes me, however untrue one might think it is. I personally think that i am one of the lowest forms of a low life. I dont suffer from this disease severely, so i do understand that there are people lower than myself. I also understand that i probably am not the lowest form of low on this earth but it's all i can bring myself to believe. I know i probably wont amount to anything. As Lil Wayne says 'the top gets higher, the more that i climb'. That's the phrase that describes my life almost perfectly. I have been through so many downs that the ups dont even seem like ups anymore. And this disease i have makes things worse. I think it might even lead me to an early death.. Not that i haven't already died on the inside.:/


Anyways i just wanted to let you know! Next time i look like im 'out of it' It's probably my MDD kicking in! 


Im also experiencing Melancholia every now and again. It's a random bug that affects me whenever and wherever. I really dont like it become it strikes me hard. I really dont like crying :/ I know what can trigger it though, and i try to avoid such heartaches.


So now that my secret's out, just know that what you see isn't always what you get.


Ugh; FML!